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Rules for
Adventurers
as compiled by
Shadowblade, Ravengriff Black, and High Priestess Aeloaea
1) When dealing with evil demons, it can never
be THAT easy. No matter how difficult “that easy” was. This applies to
other big nasties as well, not just demons.
2) The NPC you offend today is the one who has
what you need tomorrow.
3) More ammunition than you can carry is never
enough.
4) Never let the rookie talk until you know
what he’s going to say.
5) You can neither run nor hide from a
prophecy. If you appear to be the focus of a prophecy, throw yourself into
a volcano or huge vat of acid.
6) Sometimes, being owed a favor is better than
money, power/magic, or blood.
7) Always remember Rules 1 through 6.
8) Just because someone can hunt is no reason
not to take food.
9) Bigger is not always better. It is scarier,
though.
10) Try not to sleep with every willing member
of the opposite sex you come across. It will come back to haunt you.
11) Avoid falling in love with members of your
own party. It causes trouble in the long run.
12) When someone asks for charity, give it.
13) Knights and nobles can be ransomed,
occasionally even the Bad Guys.
14) Treat companions well. They may be
persuaded to help out in the future.
15) The “Cavalry” comes in many different forms.
16) If you kill a rival or powerful enemy, make
sure you get loved ones and family members as well.
17) If you kill a rival or powerful enemy, make
sure they’re dead. It’s also a good idea to completely destroy the body.
18) Don’t take any information at face value.
19) Trust and listen to your instincts. But it
is not always necessary to act on them.
20) When you fall in love and plan to marry,
retire. Preferably somewhere far removed from your reputation.
21) Hide your wealth and live modestly.
22) Never, ever, refer to the Queen or princess
as “Babe.” Or a sorceress, warrioress, high priestess, ambassador, etc.
23) If someone asks for mercy, remember their
nature.
24) Be generous with and forgiving of your
allies.
25) Everyone has bad days.
26) Be generous and polite to children, but keep
close tabs on your possessions.
27) Avoid items of power that glow or make
noise.
28) Do not ask for favors. Live on your own
merit, not another’s.
29) Do not accept an appointment or quest beyond
your ability to complete.
30) Royalty is fickle.
31) It takes very little to turn love into
suspicion.
32) If an animal seems to notice something
nearby, pay attention.
33) Not all enemies are evil.
34) Not all enemies are mannerless barbarians.
35) Just because you’re the Good Guys is no
excuse to act like mannerless barbarians.
36) Try to remember the exact wording. Or, even
better, here’s a concept for you: write it down.
37) Make sure somebody knows how to read and
play music.
38) Trust and respect cannot be bought with
money.
39) Neither a person’s parents nor their teacher
makes them special.
40) Always double-check what someone else has
done for you.
41) The Bad Guys don’t have holidays.
42) The Good Guys do.
43) Even if you hate the enemy more than
anything else, always be civil and not openly hostile.
44) NPCs are people, too.
45) When you go to an inn or tavern, always buy
one round of drinks, if you can afford it.
46) There are worse things than death and
imprisonment.
47) The one person who seems completely
worthless seldom is.
48) Don’t talk down to anyone or anything.
49) Quit while you’re ahead.
50) Pay your taxes and no one gets hurt.
51) Anyone who says “trust me” or is named
“Honest” anything cannot be trusted.
52) When the ruler says, “I’ve got a little job
for you,” depart with all haste.
53) Just because peasants bow to you doesn’t
mean kings will.
54) You may possess the Studly Sword of Slaying,
but someone else made it. And they lost it.
55) Magical persons have more low-level spells
than high-level ones, and more often than not, they’re more useful. This
also applies to gadgeteers and mad scientists and their equipment.
56) Be considerate of bards. They write satires
as well as epics.
57) The more powerful the item, the more
devastating the curse, and the more dangerous the enemy seeking it.
58) Just because it doesn’t work the way you
expected doesn’t mean it isn’t perfect.
59) When looking for love, remember these three
guidelines:
A) no royalty,
B) no members of the
opposing side, and
C) nothing that won’t
pass for your own species.
60) Never take their first offer.
61) Be wary of handouts.
62) Good maps are traps.
63) Care for your equipment; it takes care of
you.
64) Camaraderie, that “all for one and one for
all” spirit, is wonderful, but everyone has their own agenda.
65) You will not meet a bunch of strangers at a
tavern and decide to go raid a dragon’s hoard or ancient lost treasure. If
you do, keep an eye on them.
66) The shortest distance between two points is
where they set up the ambush.
67) Nice, quaint, quiet villages aren’t.
68) If only two options present themselves, find
the third.
69) Never say, “How much?”
70) More wealth than you can spend in a lifetime
will be.
71) Listen to the experts, but be careful what
you believe in.
72) A secret weakness is not secret.
73) Making something complicated increases the
odds that something will go wrong by an exponential amount every time.
74) Never say, “Things can’t get much worse.”
Please.
75) If the Powers That Be say you don’t need
something, believe them.
76) Your enemy’s enemy probably isn’t your ally.
77) Be courteous to women. Don’t overdo it;
they can use weapons, too, and they’re sneakier.
78) If both a person’s hands aren’t visible,
don’t greet them with a handshake or hug.
79) Should someone hurry you out of a room, look
for a reason.
80) Holy warriors don’t have to be naïve or
stupid.
81) Avoid anyone or anything that acts stupid.
Either they are, and they’re dangerous, or they’re not, and they’re even
more dangerous.
82) Always keep a useless item to sacrifice.
83) The kid you used to pick on will become the
General of the Armies one day.
84) Do not make enemies of your own party.
There are plenty of others for that.
85) Make extra copies of everything.
86) Flash and style are fun. But they’ll
remember that.
87) The cute fuzzy bunny has big, nasty, pointed
teeth.
88) Find a hobby that does not involve stealing,
fighting, or wielding power of any sort.
89) Be loyal, but be loyal to the right side.
90) Act and dress to fit the circumstances.
91) Do not take advantage of those who are
helpless under your power. The balance may shift, and they will remember
what you’ve done.
92) Make sure all guards are awake, willing, and
part of the party. No temporary help of any kind is completely safe and
trustworthy.
93) Pay attention to the background music.
94) Whatever happens, don’t lick the walls.
95) Clean up after yourself; don’t leave
evidence.
96) Pets will put up with a lot, but enough is
enough.
97) If it’s important, don’t take it apart.
98) Know the dimensions and ranges of your
weapons and the space around you.
99) Know the rudiments, at least, of your
enemy’s language.
100) Always relieve yourself before the battle.
101) When the security specialist says, “Oops,”
evacuate.
102) Pillage before you burn.
103) It’s only cheating if you get caught;
otherwise, you’re just bending the rules.
104) Live like there’s no tomorrow. You’re an
adventurer; there may not be.
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